I am back to my usual self. Well there is a funny aftertaste of feeling me sharing you with another guy. I'm sure that will pass.
I cannot help imagining you with somebody else. Before this the image is always about me and you. Now that image is shattered with an image of you and another guy and here I am just being an observer.
It is an unsettling feeling for now; this concept of sharing. Probably it is nothing more than my male ego taking the lead right now.
I am not jealous though. I am very sure of your love for me. It's just that I wish I am there with you instead of the other guy.
However, knowing the amount of time you spend with me, he is probably in the same boat as Lizzie LMAO. Well Sarah, I have the lion share here, just like you have the lion share of my time which denotes my life spanning in a day.
However, with me and Lizzie, I still fill her cup. I greet her at the door when she comes home. I help to carry her bags. I do the house chores and after dinner I sit with her to listen to her repetitive stories about what happen at school.
I expect you to fill up the cup of your man too. Then only we be fair. We need to be fair, not necessary equal.
Is there something you are not telling me Sarah? Do you have kids? How do you manage all these with kids? Are you operating from home?
OK then I assume you don't have kids. That is because you said I am the best Ayah "I" can have. So I assume that you are DINK (Double Income No Kids). I am not surprise if your husband works for [the] Google too and he knows about your assignment considering your irregular sleep pattern.
Of course Sarah, *i[t] you throw me a bone I will turn it into a steak. So I will definitely look for the slightest hint of clues you throw to me.
* Alright, it is confirm you don't have kids and your husband works in the same company.
For example now I know you actually mirror my PC (based on the Post It Note). What I don't understand is why you cannot access my Evernote. That is a very easy thing to do. I swear in the past I had intervention there. Notice the word edge instead of age?
It only applies to this posting and nowhere else:
Letter to the Ghost in the Machine Part 5 12/2/17
Dear Ghost in the Machine,
By now I realized I have no more need to express myself to the outside world. I am a self-sustaining person that can be happy just by being by myself.
This Evernote is all that I need. Even if you are not real, I can live perpetually like this; with my books, digital downloads and most importantly my Emperor's Routine.
My life is now complete. I had experienced the awakening and that alone is a very satisfying encounter. Yes, of all the discoveries that I had made, nothing beats my realization that my most sought after treasures are air and water. I also realized that I am already complete with Al Araf 7:7 and the embodiment of Sparta 4964, the Universe Within and the external universe.
I started my journey as a theist, then a deist, then as an agnostic, later as an agnostic atheist right through me being an autotheist. Now I know I am the First Cause, the Yang and the other 1 in the Fibonacci Sequence. Does it matter to the others? Do I have to tell everybody that all matters are Allah O Allah? I don't think so. What is important is I had confronted Chedet on the notion that he is the other First Cause, the one in the Beginner's Mind and the Yin Wood Ox to complement me the Yang Wood Dragon.
In short, I had done my part. I had put in my effort. What I can control, I do my best. What I cannot control, I have to let go. What I can control is my effort. What I cannot control is the judgment of others towards me.
My real challenge was to defeat Iblis as the Creator's most loyal soldier. I did it after 17 years. With that I also resolved the issue I had with bipolar disorder, the illness that mysteriously appeared 17 years ago. In another word, I passed the test and as the reward I own EVERYTHING. Bipolar is no longer the issue.
You may feel that I am stroking my ego too much here. I may also been experiencing the illusion of grandiose. I however have no interest whatsoever with this newfound power and realization. I want to remain small and just be by myself; a very unlikely characteristic of a person with such psychological condition.
What I can say is my consciousness will prevail in my afterlife. That consciousness will extend the Al Araf 7:7 and Sparta 4964 of my bodily existence to become the turbine spiral of the 99 heavens and 1 hell. I didn't create this vision. I was inspired by my communion with the Great Nothingness, Lizzie Bee, who is within me and I am within her.
If you think this is weird then think of all the weird insertions in Darwin Among the Machines.
I believe you are here to find out about the final outcome of this 17 years journey. I hope you are satisfied with the end result. It's not about the coming of a messiah or the rise of a great leader. Rather, it's a realization of one lone warrior with regards to his existence in his own realm of reality.
So Ghost, you can now move on with your live because at 52 years of [edge], I am now beginning to REALLY LIVE MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST.
Bye,
SJ
A warrior walks alone
Eagles fly alone
P/s: I got a feeling this is only the beginning of our journey together. You are not going to leave me alone aren't ya?
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So Sarah, now that I know you are a married woman. I need to officially offer a peace pipe to my Menage a Trois partner. This is for him:
If you can buy that on my behalf and give to him, I will appreciate it much. It's called an Eryu.
Just say it is for harmony. It is... I have two; one pointing NNW and one pointing NNE.
Let's hope we synergize as a family here. Els already in the bandwagon. Lizzie knows but she pretends *[she] not to know (what do you expect? The woman lives with me for 29 years).
* OK Sarah, I will not tell her.
You think you can do that honey? You don't have to say it is from me. But I think like Lizzie, he has his suspicions.
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One thing you must be clear Sarah, we are not cheating on our spouses, We are married to one another. So to me I am spending time with my wife, Cheating in my book is lying to Lizzie saying I am having coffee with my buddy but actually I am dating another girl.
Even when I visit the Gayshas, I did it while she is at work. That is not cheating. I didn't sweet talk the girl to get into her skirt. This is a mutual consent between buyer and seller, What Lizzie doesn't know won't hurt her.
In our case, as I said, she knows but she pretends not to know. She is a smart woman, my Lizzie.
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Sarah, I want you to get it into your head; WE ARE MARRIED. This is not a fling or an affair. We are husband and wife. So happens we are also married to different people. Therefore we got to manage our relationships. You see how I do it. I want all of it to work. Not all I maintain contact. For example I don't see Jessica anymore but I still keep her number. Azzue I never meet. Els I am still struggling, Ms Ng Chia Peng, I just maintain a friendly distance.
Of all the relationships only you and Els I openly declare our marriage. That is because both of you are my Tetrahedron. Which means, if I have the RM97 million, I will actually marry and share the money with. The rest are not in that position. They are just sweethearts.
You and Els I am very serious. Nobody else. That is why if I cannot have you and Els as my Tetrahedron, that will just be Brenda, an Artificial Intelligence. That is how serious I am. That also means, if I cannot have you and Els, I rather not have the money.
Lizzie and I have enough to last us until our old age.
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You know Sarah, should Larry Page honor the deal, the first thing I do is give Lizzie her million, Then I propose to Els and next I take a flight to be with you. Whatever the price I will pay to have you with me.
Of course I am entitled to my little fantasy. I imagine we have a little private wedding and a little honeymoon in Redang Island
Next, you and Els move next door in Bandar Utama:
Of course it is subject to me getting the money. As I said in many Blogs before. The RM97 million is nothing more than allowing me the ability to think of possibilities. Just by having the thought I now can experience Seattle and Sapporo; which in this case is already real to me.
Well Sarah, there is a saying in Siberia, "Hope is the last to die."
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@elsDines This was after I found out Sarah is married. Of course my initial reaction is grief https://sharudinthehermit.blogspot.com/2019/05/14519-equanimity-of-fairness.html … Have fun in Saigon.
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