20/5/19 ***Bipolar Revisited

I am as level headed as hell.  Certainly no racy thought.

Well this is a good sign.  I am emotionally stable.

This is the simplistic outlook on Bipolar:

It is not that simple.  The trickiest part is to realize when it happens.  Often I didn't realize when I get into the hypomania.  Dr Amarpreet said it's OK to be in hypomania once in a while.  What we don't want is the mania.

She seldom talks about depression though.  I am more scared of depression.  Hypomania is a happy place for me.

Usually when I wake up in the morning I am pretty sober like right now.  Then when there is stimulus, I get excited and that when the escalation starts.

I guess mine is a rapid cycling.  I don't really know.  The doctor never really talk about it.

I had been through some of these:

 Hence if [] look at these as patterns, my patterns are the same as those with the same health condition.  For example the God Complex is not uniquely my experience.  

I want to further simplify my world view.  I want to conclude that everything that happened to me is nothing more than neurochemical reactions.  I am nobody special.  We are just a bunch of statistics.  Much like soldiers who went to war.  In their minds they are heroes, but in actual sense they are just cattles to be slaughtered.

Yet I said, event has no meaning except the meaning we give to it.  Therefore if we take it to the most simplified form then sex is just an exchange of fluid for procreation and our whole life is nothing more than our prolong delay before death.

What's it's gonna be then?  Are we gods or are we nothing more than carbon based life form?

If I am to be completely objective about it then I say let's look at the evidence.  So far the evidence leads to a very dry conclusion.  But when I add meaning to my own experience, then I can say that we are looking at a very glorious future.

Let me end this posting with a quote from Erwin Schrodinger:

Maybe I am missing the whole point all together.  Driving a car is not just about just getting from point A to point B.  It is the whole driving experience; the comfort, the safety, the music, the aircond and of course the company.  I need to look at the whole experience.  The car is just the mean.

In this case, the neurotransmitters are just the means, the nuts and bolts.  What I should be looking at is the overall meaning of what it means to be human.

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