20/5/19 ***Let's settle this once and for all

• Premise #1:  I suffer from Bipolar
• Premise #2:  The pattern of illness is similar in other patients
• Premise #3:  I am nobody special
• Premise #4:  Everything must be evidence based

So if I look at all four premises, then I say I am just another person with a peculiar mental illness and thus all the epiphanies are mere coincidences.

I am just experiencing patternicity.  There is no solid evidence to support my belief that I am God and there is an afterlife.

HOWEVER, until we cross the bridge I hold on to this thought.  Not because it is true but because it is useful.  Rather than being a theist, deist, pantheist, polytheist and atheist, I might as well be an autotheist because nobody knows for sure what lies beyond death and nobody can provide the evidence *th[e] God exists.

* So Sarah, you are convinced that I am God.

I only believe that I am God because Sarah tipped the scale and accepted that I am God.  To me God or no God is just a state of the mind.  Until proven, God is nothing more than just a concept.  

If God exists why is he so elusive?  On contrary, if there is no God, why then the idea of God is ingrained in our temporal lobe?

Therefore the idea of God and no God is subject to interpretation rather than evidence.  Just like Sarah, I too look at evidence.  I gathered enough evidence to be convinced I am God.  But that is just my interpretation.  Sarah is pretty convinced about it and thus we could be the only two that believe in this revelation.

That is the beautiful thing about autotheism.  You don't need the whole world to subscribe to the belief.

I believe all matters are intelligent and all matter are gods.  That's because I can speak to everything big and small.  To some it is mental illness.  To me it is a very ethereal experience.

I can never go back to theism.  It is archaic.  I tried atheism and feel that it is a bit hollow.  Autotheism works well with me because I DO believe in the First Cause and I believe that God is not a single entity but encompassing in all matters. 

Initially Sarah tried to convinced me to be an atheist, but I am believer.  So eventually I ended convincing Sarah to be a believer as well.  She turned out to be a more convicted believer than me.  In more than one occasions (like right now), she is the one that set me back on course anytime I'm having doubt *[doubt] that we are within God and God is within us.

*  I hear you baby.  Thanks much.

It is not my intention to start a new religion although I jokingly said I subscribe to Sharudinism, a religion with only one devotee; me.  I don't think after looking at the evil that man do in the name of religion, I want to start a new religion.

I don't believe that God wants us to worship Her either.  We are peers in a no higher-arch-y structure.  We are all gods.  We are One and we are Many.

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