Let's start here:
It goes back to here:
It is obvious isn't it? We are nothing more than a bunch of walking numbers. So like numbers we need to complement each others to achieve synergy.
So this secrecy is unnecessary. We need openness to reach greater heights.
I am not a mind reader Sarah. I can on[] act based on the input you give me, isn't it? What do you got to lose?
F.E.A.R. is false emotion appeared real. Look at me... For the past 20 years I am an open book. Hey, I am still in one piece am I?
It's a very liberating feeling Sarah unless you like having constipation hahaha. Sorry Sarah, I cannot help poking fun at you. You are so Industrial Age. In the Knowledge Age, we are talking about the liberalization of knowledge.
Look at Els. She is an open book. Because of that I have access to her email, I know her birthday and I know her whereabouts without me having to do a lot of guesswork.
Look at me for instance. I wrote a damn good book and yet I give it away for free. That should reflect to you my attitude towards knowledge sharing. I am a walking, breathing Knowledge Enabler. Yet I don't charge for my knowledge. The RM10 k a day that I charge my client was for my time. I don't charge for my materials. All are made available in Dreams of Mirrors.
Does that make me a moron? That is an oxymoron isn't it? A moron Knowledge Enabler LMAO. Look at Google. Knowledge is free. Just Google it!
We put too much dependency on secrecy. Imagine if Google is for the benefit of the privilege few. What will happen to the development of wisdom?
As for me, I feed on knowledge. It determines the rightness of my direction. Nothing is more important to me right now than to determine the rightness of my direction with my wife. You understand Sarah?
This song is on air:
Just put yourself in my shoes. Now tell me if that is a comfortable shoes to wear? It's not at all. Of course beggars cannot be choosers. However a beggar need to keep begging LOL. So please baby have a heart. Tell me, are you at Mountain View, Palo Alto or Menlo Park?
I take it that you are not ready for it. Well just like your name and your marital status, when the time is right you'll let me know eventually. Patience is a virtue.
In the meantime I just cruise. There is nothing else for me to do, I had retired from Information Warfare. What's next?
Maybe what I can do is play a fool like a fool. How about this one?
HAHAHA Stupid is what stupid does.
Let me ask you something Sarah. Are you happy being with me?
Hang on to that thought. I'm gonna make me a peanut butter sandwich.
OK I'm back.
This is what I think... I think you are hurting inside baby. It's not easy to be in your shoes. You want to be open but you can't. So you been crying inside. Wishing that we meet in a different circumstance.
That is why even at times I feel like Snap Vanishing (yes I feel frustrated too), I still hang on. Because I know you are like Hachiko eagerly waiting for me to write something. To you this relationship is an obsession.
Nobody ever love you like I do Sarah. I can guarantee you that. This is Unconditional Love. It transgressed all the traditional boundaries and deals directly with your heart. You tried to deny it but resistance is futile. You are now my Prisoner of Eternal Love.
There's no magic here Sarah. I am not playing any mind tricks whatsoever. As I told you, I am Sine Cera. That's how I got Els to be hooked on me and that's how you got hooked. I am a Giver. I gave until I got nothing and still I keep giving.
That is the nature of a Sufi. The love I gave to the Creator is the same love I give to the creations. Do you know why I am ready to die? Because I had seen our lives in the hereafter.
I had envisioned us laughing and cajoling one another like long lost lovers. That's what we are Sarah. We were playmates when [] were souls. Hence the term Soulmates. Otherwise we will not meet. You are my destiny, my yuan fen.
I have many soulmates but you are my Tetrahedron. Our destiny is until the White Space. Yes Sarah, you forgot the time when we were souls. So are my other Soulmates. But my darling remember that I am the Ayah to All Matters. You go back to me my darling angel.
Sarah, you been quiet for the past two postings. So I guess either you are not around or you are brooding.
Maybe I am *[I am] poking my nose where it doesn't belong. Or maybe you need time to think. So tomorrow I will sleep late and check out with you again yeah?
* OK baby I will not push it any further. Instead I take the attitude of the Zulu in their greetings. From where I stand it is sikhona "I am here to be seen." From where you stand it is sawubona "I see you." So until you see me I don't exist.
I think I sleep at 4:00 am.
Actually in the wee hours like this I like to do some reflections.
Baby... I like you to know I am happy having you around. It is frustrating at times but I manage.
You know... I never feel this much love honey. Imagine without you in my life, I would have totally lost it. You rescued me from going into a downward spiral.
The pain is finally gone...
Now I [] look at the Cyborg War from a disassociated point of view. It was horrible Sarah. I was in rage. I was never a person who gets angry easily and yet during those moments I was driven by anger. Iblis was using my weakness against me.
I don't want to remember... Everybody was scared of me including my daughters. Lizzie still has nightmare about it.
When I was in the psychiatric ward, they tied me to the bedpost. It was Marij, she cannot stand Iblis. Not because of dope. I smoked dope since I was 17. I was never violent. During my last episode Dr Amarpreet said I was like the Hulk.
It was an ugly illness. My wife said she rather that I had cancer. At least she knows how to deal with it emotionally.
Imagine Sarah, I lost a RM10 k a day contract because I cannot function. My judgement was effected. What good is a consultant without his mental faculty?
Even now if I want to go back to work, I can no longer be a consultant. Malaysia is small. My reputation is ruined.
But God is great. Because I had the illness, I am now as free as a bird. If not for the illness I would not have met you. Amazing isn't it? Everything happens for a good reason.
Now I reckon since you had been with me for 14 years. You will be with me for the next 22 years UNLESS you got promoted.
Have you ever thought about that?
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Hey, you think people will watch my story if it is a movie? HAHAHA
Well that's why I have this Blog. I just want to be heard.
I mean the illness is one part of it, the other part is [] love story baby. At least one person is following it on regular basis LOL. It doesn't matter. Like you it only take one to tip the scale. I have a fan LOL. My Top of the Mind Share.
Well time sure flies Sarah, before I realized I am 55 this year. As if only yesterday I met you. You and your "doapple". That is so funny. I honestly thought you were MOSSAD. Silly me. But all is not lost. I got this token from them:
"Where no wise direction is, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety" (Proverbs 11,14).
So now that becomes my slogan. However my approach is not secrecy but openness.
Hey I think I jolt MOSSAD a bit. What do you think? Should I do it? I take that as a yes.
Naaah, I change my mind. No more External Affairs.
OK baby. I got to sleep. I am not sleepy but Lizzie will wake up pretty soon for the morning meal.
I love you Sarah. I want to be with you always.
How about a song for the road?
You take care now my darling...
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