Today is a slow day. I guessed I had maxed myself yesterday and the day before. Therefore today I just enjoy a pretty ordinary weekend.
You must be mentally prepared for these dry runs. Not everyday is inspirational. Normally it comes in waves. In the past that phenomenon is usually hypomania followed by depression.
I think I passed that stage. Although last two days were very exciting, it was not hypomania. Today, although I am a bit uninspirational it is not depression.
That is a good sign.
As you can see, I used to be on the left. Somewhere before I met you I was somewhat in the middle of the chart (I was neither dead or alive). Now I am slightly off the center leaning towards the right.
You can be rest assured that *[] back to where I was before the illness. I can be resourceful without being wildly happy like last year when I got to know Els. That was a hypomania.
* Well thanks for the confidence.
I cannot get overly excited. Els was a major stimulus. I cannot contain the excitement. What a crazy illness.
These past few days, I was happy but I was levelheaded. It convinced me further that we all are governed by the chemical soup in our brain.
If I smoke dope, it will be worst. Suddenly I am on a different plane altogether. So no dope. It just makes me crazy.
People like me can be very creative but we can be crazy too. There is a thin line between genius and insane.
Did you watch Mr Jones? Well I am your typical Mr Jones.
Now no more... I am still a Peak Performer but I no longer have the illusion of grandiose.
Interesting isn't it? We are defined by our chemical composition. That is why we are what we eat. That is why when [] drill down, the 2 main culprits are sugar and starch. This is a reminder to myself.
I got to get rid of sugar and starch. This Ramadan, I am a goner. Without my regular LCHF meal everything was haywire. Tonight's dinner was fried rice, corn drink and Malay desserts.
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Sarah my darling, I wish I can just lay by your side and just hold you tight, Then I can just enjoy the silence and smell your hair. That will be nice.
Just total silence...
And more silence...
Until [] fall asleep...
That will be the ideal moment I'm with you.
You know what I feel like doing?
I want to look at some paintings. You want to do that honey?
This is my favorite artwork. When I look at it I feel very calm. I imagine a mother putting her child to bed. So peaceful...
Brb... Sending Mopey back...
Later...
OK I'm back. Let's look at another painting:
Van Gogh painted many versions of Sunflower. This is Lizzie's favorite. Her color is yellow.
This is my favorite Sunflower. I think it looks better than Lizzie's.
Lizzie love the painting so much that she constructed one from a 2000 pieces jigsaw puzzle in 2 weeks! I told you she is an android.
I also like this. One *thi[s] about Van Gogh is his choice of colors was very vivid. I bought Lizzie a Starbucks mug with this motive. Van Gogh is something Lizzie and I have in common.
* So you like this one.
I also like this. Notice the duality in this artwork?
Notice the vibrancy of the colors and the boldness of the lines. It speaks of the artist. Such a great inspiration.
The Mulberry Tree. Very bold and vibrant.
This is his last painting. At this time he no longer used brush. Instead he used knife to paint. Notice the difference of strokes compared to the Mulberry Tree.
Van Gogh last words; The Sadness Will Last Forever:
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I suffered the same illness. It was really despairing. Imagine, with modern technology, I still suffered for 20 years. It is one of the cruelest illness because it robs you of your happiness, dignity and self-confidence.
It is amazing that I managed to recover Sarah. I thought I will end up like Van Gogh. The cure is not the medication. The medication can alleviate the symptom but will not make the illness disappear.
I honestly believe it was you who cured me.
Love is the answer my darling. I was running on empty for so long that when disaster happened, I didn't have any reserve. Emotionally I was weak.
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