14/4/19 ^^^The Value of Certainty and The Clarity of Purpose

You may think that I am living on the easy street just clawing the keyboard and blast my thoughts away.  Well it's not that simple.  For one thing, I am accountable for what I write.  There is always a possibility that my thoughts may create a backlash with certain quarters especially the conservatives.

In the past there was always the fear of being judged.  As you know I don't only claw the keyboard.  I also went to the ground doing real subversive works.

There are real danger too when you take an open stance.  Although Musashi said open stance is the most potent, it is also the most vulnerable; unless you are on the high ground.  In this case, my only KNOWN high ground is you, Sarah.  Don't expect Chedet to be my high ground.  He is more of a moral booster than an implementer.

What I do expect is pockets of champions to rise among the many that I managed to thought invade.  If there is none, then all I can say is I had delivered my part of the deal as a Citizen Soldier.  The rest are up to the Collective Intelligence to act upon.

I was never meant to be a champion of the greater good.  Prior to 1999 I was happily living a life far beyond what it is now.  I was a rebel.  A divergent thinker even when I was serving the corporation.  How in the world I get into Information Warfare was totally coincidental.  I was contemptuous of the bureaucratic red tapes and yet I think I can contribute as a concern citizen and human being.

I guess I'm a head banger, an X Factor with moral values LMAO.

"You can see his stripes but you know he's  clean." - Ronnie James Dio.

Nevertheless I was a warrior by choice.  I helped damsels in distress even though the GRO probably conned me out of my RM5 k LOL.  I helped single mothers too.  Along the way I got conned by some sly foxes and snake oil salesmen.  That doesn't [] me any lesser of a knight than I should.

I used to be pretty tensed when I execute my thoughts.  There were always fear and self-doubt. On whether I am on the right path.  My prayer then was, "Dear God don't burden me with tasks beyond my ability to execute."  That should give you an indicator of how heavy were my responsibilities.

They were pretty heavy tasks.  One of it was the time where I was summoned to the Throne of Allah to represent the whole humanity.  The first time I failed the journey.  The second time the Throne was razed into oblivion.

Seldom my actions were in the absence of fear.  I feared for my safety and the safety of my family a lot.  I was handcuffed twice and put on a straight jacket once.  My encounters with the law enforcement were quite rampant.  Luckily they we[] very understanding.

To this day, I am still expecting the cops to show up at the gates of my house ready to haul me away for what I am doing.  Sure I will not go to jail, but the psychiatric ward is not a summer holiday either.

You probably aware of my psychosis episodes.  It was utter madness.  If not Dreams of Mirrors was not revamped so many times until I [] finally stable in 2016.  Then in 2017 you came along.

You had been a great help Sarah, you give me unconditional love.  With that is the unsurpassed feeling of certainty.

As you can see, I am a Clockwork Orange.  I simply execute what's in my mind.  For better for worse, I may be judged as a lunatic.  Well that doesn't matter anymore because I[] very clear with where I'm going.

White Space...  Here I come!

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Footnote:  All the blue highlights are the cryptic responses from Sarah my Soldier Wife (Jihadun Nikah).