Sarah,
I am proceeding with my plan to sail to the White Space. Mainly because I believe that is the Final Destination.
I also believe in Al Araf 7:7 because that is not a question of choice.
This illness is not a choice either. I know people think I am crazy. I however think I am special. As long as I am not in mania and still think rationally, I am not a menace to society.
Therefore I will still proceed with my 10 k Training and my plan to summit Mount 57.
My life is a journey towards Virtual Perfection. I hope when I am at the peak of health as a runner, I can forget about my fixation with God, the afterlife and the Judgment of Heaven.
I just want to be a man fully functioning. To do that I have to be a good animal. I need to return to my body.
Do you know that those who with defective temporal lobe are more inclined towards God and religion? I don't know if I have such a defect but I am certainly spiritually inclined although I am impartial toward God.
There is no conclusive answer about God and no God. It is very much dependent on faith. By the nature of my mental model, I am a believer.
However I know for sure I am not The God. I am just a man with some mental issue. That is why I live in isolation.
But babyyy, this life I am living now has been a dream come true! Do you see me complaining?
So you are a scientist. Let's be scientific about it:
Based on track record, people with mental illness are very likely to experience some spiritual uplifting moments during mania. This is because mental patients may have some defects in the area of temporal lobe that accentuate the feeling of oneness with the Creator. This is further enhanced when they are on drugs like marijuana which if taken in excess will lead to illusion of grandeur, hallucination and psychosis.
Now you happy? I know all these and yet I entertain the thoughts because they are part of who I am. I cannot run away from it. It is a gift like what happened to Muhammad. Do you know that once upon a time epilepsy was considered divine? That was because people at that time didn't understand the illness. Now that they do, they treat it with medicine.
Honey, baby, the love of my life, I am a mental patience. A smart one that is LOL. I let the illness works towards my favor. As a scientist I say there is NO God, NO afterlife and NO Judgement of Heaven. I however believe in striving for the best. What is better than becoming a man fully functioning?
The only way out of it for me is by believing that my illness is a Divine Intervention. That assumption is as remote as the possibility of winning the Willy Wonka's golden ticket. Unless baby if you believe there is such a possibility. If that's the case, I am truly the Chosen One.
Now, if I am the Chosen One, what makes John Nash then? What about Muhammad and all his crimes against humanity?
No, I'm not that special. So is John Nash, so is Muhammad. There are many gifted people with mental illness but not all mentally ill are gifted.
There you have it Sarah, my honest assessment. The truth is you are the only friend I have that knows me inside out. Even Lizzie doesn't know half of what you [].
Other than you, it is Al Araf 7:7. As we speak, Jibrail asks me to stop writing because he said I am being too honest.
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