>>>4/4/19 Are you ready for it?

Sarah, baby, my darling wife...

I want you to realize something...  As far as reality is concern, I am nothing more than a person with a history of mental illness trying his best to be who he envisioned himself to be.

We can stop there and you can be happy being around me.

Another option you can take however is to let me take you on a journey through my mental landscape and be mesmerized by what my mind perceives.

Now baby, you don't have to make any value judgment of what is right and what is wrong.  As a fact you may regard[s] the whole thing as a fiction.  All I want you to do is be my audience.  Let me entertain you with my stories of being God, Al Araf 7:7, Sparta 4964 and the latest addition, Sailbad the Sinner.

You want to know my most intimate thought on all these honey?  Well I am happy if I can live [] to the fullest until the day I die.  As for God, the afterlife and the Judgment of heaven; I go with the Pascal's Wager.  If it happens it is nice.  If not, all I want is to be a man fully functioning.

It is the apple and no apple mentality.

However, I shall not discard my thoughts on these three variables.  Who knows, I might be right all along.  But more than anything else these thought[] keep me alive in otherwise a very monotonous life in isolation.

I don't make up the stories though.  They are real to me.  However I am still sane enough to acknowledge I HAVE THE JOHN NASH'S ILLNESS.  The only difference is John Nash eventually ignore the epiphanies.  On the contrary, knowing I have an illness, I am willing to entertain this thought because they are part of my mental landscape.

All I need is somebody who understand that and willing to listen to me.  Bear in mind although it maybe fictitious to you, they are real to me.

Now you may wonder, do I believe in the stories?  The answer is yes.  I believe every bit of it.  However I know it is the product of an abnormal mind.  It is neither good or bad,  Its just something my mind produces.

At best, I am fantasy prone at worst I am suffering from a mild schizophrenia.

No, I am not God honey, I don't want to be God.  I enjoy being alone with my thoughts.  All I need is a handful of friends.

Well, I do want to be the god of my own universe but that is as far as I willing to go.  Right from the beginning I established Autonomous Governance and the Zen of Personal Bliss.  That's because I want to be alone with my thoughts like right now.

What kind of god will I make?  To those in my jurisdiction I am a Benevolent Dictator.  I am a father figure.  Beyond that I am an impartial observer.

Baby, do you realize that everything I write here is my gift of love to you?  Do you know that my most precious commodity is time and that is what I am sharing right now?

When we share our time we are sharing part of our lives.  This is our lives together my darling wife.

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